113 thoughts I had at Coachella
Funny thing: on the list of things you can’t take to Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, you’ll find, ‘No selfie sticks, no tripods – and no narcissists.’ Yet the place is full of people posing for selfies on La Grande Wheel. And yes, I was one of them.
I’d always been desperate to go to the world’s most glam festival in the California desert. Crawling with A-listers, surely there’s no better place to people-watch (safely behind your reflective Ray-Bans). Regular revellers include Katy Perry, Kate Bosworth, Jared Leto and Alexa Chung. Oh, and who can forget Leonardo DiCaprio and Rihanna looking cosy last year?
Of course, not everyone is there just to be seen – it’s about the music, too. Honest. Prince, Madonna, Kanye, Jay Z and Florence have all whipped the crowd into a frenzy here – and, when it was announced that Beyoncé was headlining 2017, all 99,000 tickets were snapped up in three hours. Cue many broken Beyhive hearts when, for the obvious reason, she later cancelled. But the show must go on.
As someone who loathes UK festivals (A mud bath? No, thanks), I knew Coachella would be The One for me. So, after years of ’Chella FOMO, I reached for my credit card, dropped the £320 ticket price and made the 6,000-mile journey with some of my best friends for the trip of a lifetime. And yes, I’m still paying it off (they don’t call it the most expensive music festival for nuthin’). Curious? From LHR to LAX, these are the thoughts I had over that weekend. 113 of them, to be exact…
1. Today’s the day. I’m off and WAY too excited.
2. I wonder when I’ll bump into Kate Bosworth.
3. Right, almost there. Just gotta get through security.
4. Can’t remember a time before trying to enter security.
5. Have been frisked approx 13,456 times.
6. This is like airport-standard security. SO many walkie-talkies.
7. Oh, hurry up, man.
8. Want to stroke the sniffer dogs. Probably not a good idea.
9. I’m. In.
10. Ohmagod, it’s so pretty.
11. It looks like a postcard.
12. I need to Snapchat this right away.
13. Eek! My wristband is a bit tight.
14. I guess any second now I’ll bump into Diane Kruger.
15. It’s so dry.
16. It’s so hot.
17. S**t, did I pack my sunscreen?
18. I hope it’s not the thick white stuff – that would look so un-chic here.
19. Man, everyone is so beautiful.
20. It’s like the Victoria’s Secret summer catalogue (the denim cut-offs edition).
21. I wish I’d worn anything but this dress.
22. Seriously, why did I wear this?
23. Ooh, there’s the big wheel and everyone’s posing with V-signs.
24. I should never have had a burger, fries and ice cream last night.
25. Everyone looks like they eat celery and nut butter.
26. What actually is nut butter?
27. OK, I need a drink.
28. Where the eff is the effing bar?
29. Oh, you have to go to a special area for drinks…
30. What do you mean you can’t drink while watching the music?
31. And you can’t get more than two drinks at a time?
32. What kind of sick joke is this?!
33. This is a FESTIVAL.
34. Just what I wanted… a G&T in a thimble… what I’d give for a pint of white wine in a paper cup RN.
35. If anyone needs me, I’ll be here,drinking the whole bar.
36. What? I’m British!
37. Music and booze go hand in hand.
38. Ooh, so many hot men. They all look like they should be cradling a baby in an Athena poster.
39. Does Athena still exist?
**40.**I bet the baby in the Athena poster is in his 20s now. Feel old. Just Googled it: he’s 30. Unsmiley face.
41. Top up my thimble please, barman.
42. Apply sunscreen for the 23,789th time. It is HAWT.
43. How far away are the toilets?!
44. OK, I don’t need a wee right now.
45. Definitely don’t need a wee.
46. OK, I need a wee.
47. Portaloos: ew.
48. Will I ever find my friends again?
49. Great, I’ve lost them.
50. I’m alone.
51. Time to panic.
**52.**No phone reception. Gonna be stranded on my own forever.
53. Where’s lost and found? Can I hand myself in?
54. Oh, wow, they do vegan nachos with non-dairy gluten-free sour cream.
55. Should be healthy, though.
56. Ooooooh, chilli cheese fries.
57. Can’t eat while watching music, either.
58. Guess I’ll just stay here then.
59. Braids. All the braids.
60. I’ve never seen so many backwards caps on guys. And not in a cool way.
61. Now I know why they call it #Brochella.
62. Friends: found. Right, ready for a group shot.
63. Three hours later: still snapping.
64. FFS, ran out of storage! #CoachellaProblems.
65. Delete 50+ selfies taken at the airport.
66. Where’s Alexa Chung?
67. She’s British, we’ll chat and be friends and she’ll invite us all to one of those cool pool parties.
68. OK, I’m SRSLY bloody hot.
69. Desert breeze got me like, this bird’s nest needs a hairbrush.
70. I’m down to 12% battery, I think I’ve overused the cactus emoji.
71. Oh, hi, Kendall and Kylie just sauntering past…
72. I’m sweating. LA girls are glowing.
73. How are they so perfect?!
74. Um, the sun’s gone down. Maybe we should go and watch some music…
75. Oh, we’ve missed the one act we actually wanted to see. Sure.
76. When is the next act I love? Oh, we’ve missed that as well.
77. I’m drunk. Hallelujah.
78. Yasss, I like this song. Let’s dance.
79. Why is no one dancing?
80. Everyone is standing still.
81. If I see one more floral headband...
82. Ooh, there’s a Union Jack flag. Let’s have a picture with it.
83. OMG! There’s Brooklyn Beckham heading towards the toilets.
84. I think every teenage girl here fancies Brooklyn Beckham.
85. Why are there so many teenage girls here? Isn’t this a grown-up festival?
86. I wish my bum was teenage.
87. Need pizza.
88. Urgh, what’s that smell?
**89.**I think I might be high through passive weed inhalation.
90. Brrr, it’s getting chilly, should’ve brought a hoodie.
91. I love my friends! I love the desert! I love palm trees!
92. OK, now I’m really drunk.
93. WTF? Is that a sandstorm?
94. Now I know why people wear scarves over their mouths. Ow.
95. What does this massive art sculpture mean? No clue, but it feels deep AF.
96. Oh, no, it’s so dark. My phone is now just basically a super-fancy torch and has 8% battery.
97. EVERYONE is at the Sahara dance tent. Let’s go.
**98.**This is a bit… sweaty.
99. This must be where Leo gets his ladies.
100. He could get me if he wanted.
101. US boys are loving our British accents.
102. Why am I talking like the Queen?
103. It’s time to go. What do you mean it’s time to go? But it’s so… early. It’s midnight. Party poopers.
104. OK, I’m going! Bye, Mr Security Man with the flashlight. Where’s the bloody exit?
105. Shall we Uber?
106. I thought Coachella was sponsored by Uber. Where are all the Ubers?!
107. Is hitch-hiking illegal?
108. Apparently, jaywalking definitely still is. Note to self: don’t annoy American cops.
109. A million hours later and I’m home at my overpriced Airbnb.
110. Ahhh, bed. HEAVVEEENNNN.
111. How much have I spent today?
112. Can I apply for bankruptcy?
113. Best. Day. Ever.
Read our movie review of Fifty Shades Darker
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Sofia Richie brought streetwear to Coachella in this white bra top, Reebok windsuit and coloured sunnies. How insanely badass! And it seems people LOVED her look - Lyst saw a 74% increase in searches for Reebok tracksuits over the Coachella weekend.
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Rihanna caused a storm wearing Gucci's full-body glitter suit. She also rocked Gucci's most coveted logo tee. On the first Saturday of Coachella, it was reported that search for the tee increased by 203%. Oh Rih, you influencer, you.
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Emily Ratajkowski was the ultimate festival babe in the H&M Loves Coachella tent wearing an off-the-shoulder crop top and jeans. Simple yet perfect.
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Alessandra Ambrosio, AKA The Queen of Coachella, wore a Rolling Stones logo dress and cowboy boots.
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Katy Perry showed off her new buzzcut at the Moschino party, wearing a furry jacket and high-waisted trousers.
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Jeremy Scott and Kylie Jenner also caught up at his party, with Kylie wearing a see-through skirt.
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Alexa Chung was more modestly dressed than your average Coachella attendee, but still looked oh-so cool in a floral dress.
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Jourdan Dunn brought her A-game to Coachella, wearing a printed top and super tiny white shorts.
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Another day, another amaze look from Alessandra Ambrosio - this time, ALL the fringing. You can shop some amazing festival fringing here.
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Brooklyn Beckham joined Lexy Panterra at the KALEIDOSCOPE: REFRESH party at Coachella.
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It was a family affair for Lucky Blue Smith who hung out with his sisters at Coachella.
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Brooklyn kept it cool in a sleeveless vest and patchwork jeans.
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Chloe Norgaard wore a denim bikini and kimono at the Revolve party.
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Model Dilone, Jeremy Scott and Rita Ora posed up a storm at the Moschino party at Coachella.
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There's Katy behind the decks!
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Here's Kendall Jenner chilling at the Revolve party.
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We love the cute little spaceships on EmRata's dress!
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Model Dilone opted for a Moschino bodysuit, bomber jacket and baggy trousers at a party.
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Singer Halsey opted for a bedazzled bra and super cropped top.
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Another cute look from our fave VS Angel.
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Chiara Ferragni rocking a swimsuit from her own collection at the Chiara Ferragni x Revolve party.
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Victoria's Secret supermodel Jasmine Tookes looked amazing at the Angel Oasis party during Coachella.
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Kylie Jenner at the PrettyLittleThing.com party sporting yellow highlighter hair.
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Sporting a Victoria's Secret bralette at the Angel Oasis.
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Those are some intense boots for Coachella.
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The Angel Oasis was where all the VS models hung out.
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The Hollywood star donned denim cut-offs and Ray Bans for the Revolve Coachella party.
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Abs goals.
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