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Pregnancy is a time of such profound change, but also one that I think is a great opportunity to lay the foundations for the next phase of your professional journey.
I’ve always been a firm believer that women can achieve their career dreams when pregnant, in part because my mother worked so hard while raising us. I was born in the bustling and vibrant city of Lagos, Nigeria, and moved to the UK with my parents at seven months old.
I am incredibly proud of my Nigerian heritage, and growing up in the UK with a variety of influences has had a deep impact on me, my drive and who I am as a woman and a mother.
There is a special photo I have kept on my phone: it’s a picture of my mum and a few of her friends in Sunderland. My mum is carrying my sister, who was just six weeks old, and one of my mum’s friends is carrying me. I would have been under two at the time. Back in the early nineties, Sunderland was where pharmacists would take their qualifying exams. My parents were pharmacists in Nigeria, but chose to explore new opportunities and qualify in the UK, also. Their final exams took place six weeks after having a new baby.
Since then, they have both gone on to build successful careers and businesses. I often look at that photo to remind me of the huge sacrifices my parents have made to give their family the very best. It also spurs me on! Because of the brilliant example they have set for me, I feel like I have no choice but to push myself to do the best that I can for the benefit of those around me.
Neglecting your needs leads to anger and resentment, especially if it falls to you to make sure everyone else is fed, entertained and getting enough sleep.
In African culture, the notion of family is extensive; it includes second, third or fourth cousins, friends and even distant relations. Because of all this, I have always felt that I would never let having children hold me back from achieving my goals; I believe that my goals aren’t there to serve me, but to provide for my family and impact those around me. In many ways, this helps to explain why I am so passionate that anyone who is pregnant or expecting a baby can go ahead and achieve their dreams and ambitions.
Yes, you have to be strategic; yes, you have to work hard; but it is totally possible to have career success while you are pregnant and beyond.
Get crystal clear on the expectations of your role
Now is the time to get crystal clear on what the expectations around your role are. Do you have clarity around what excellence looks like? How are you performing against those metrics? How do key people in your organisation think you are performing against those metrics? If you don’t have clear answers for any of these questions, I would strongly encourage taking steps towards gaining clarity in your first trimester, as this will really set you up for success.
I really encourage documenting all of this. Break down your role into different tasks that you regularly have to carry out, and against each task, write down what excellence looks like. Then write down and keep a record of your achievements for each task as you progress in your pregnancy. This document will become like your performance bible during your pregnancy, and you can use it throughout your career. If you were already in discussion about your progression at work before you became pregnant, then I would say this exercise is critical. It will enable you to show your performance against any criteria set, and will help you evidence your achievements with ease.
Use your first trimester to get really clear on your goals and what you want to achieve during this time. Work at a pace that suits you; this may not be the time to push, but if you feel that it is important to you to keep working towards your goals, then absolutely go for it.
Start thinking about your village
You can’t make this journey alone. Having the right support network around you is invaluable. I think mum friends are like gold, and can lead to lifelong friendships. I feel so incred- ibly lucky to have my group of friends. There were twenty- one of us in total having babies in 2017, and they have become more like my sisters. They remain an amazing support to me even now as our babies have grown up into little people. Have a think about whether you would like to do a prenatal course, such as NCT or Bump and Baby, as it can be a great way to meet other mums. You might want to look into other options, such as apps like Peanut, or you could join a parenting group at work. Whatever works best for you; just find people who you can make this journey with.
Look into the future
What do you think your life might look like with a child? It might mean a new house with more space, or rethinking how you do business travel. It is great to get ahead of all the things that could possibly change, and to think about how those things may impact your day-to-day life at work, and what kind of solutions you might consider.
Condensed and extracted from The Blend: How to Successfully Manage a Career and a Family by Tobi Asare publishes 9th March in hardback, priced £18.99 (Headline Home).
“AI is telling us our bodies are nothing more than sexual objects, including when that body is growing or feeding a child."
