As with any big birthday or significant moment in life, you sit back and re-think, re-calibrate, and often decide it’s time for a change of some sort.
Turning 30 last September, I wanted to go into the new decade happier, healthier and stronger. For me, that meant going sober.
Before I made the decision to go fully tee-total, I’d been trying to quit drinking alcohol for a while. I’d do one night out without it, or just have a few. But regardless of how little I drank, consuming alcohol all led to the same things for me: sluggish mornings, brain fog, anxiety, and lack of productivity the next day.
I was sick of myself, and hated that the consumption of alcohol had a real pull on me.
I understand that there are many levels of addiction and alcoholism can be a devastating and fatal illness for some, but looking back now, while I don't think I was addicted, I do think I perhaps had a mild dependence on it. I didn’t need alcohol, but I craved it. I craved a cold glass of wine after a long day at work or the strength of a margarita to escape hard feelings if I was going through a rough patch.
Sandra Parker, author of Just the Tonic, tells me there's a medical term for ‘needing a drink’: alcohol use disorder (AUD). Of the total number of people who have AUD, only around 10% are physically addicted. This means that for the vast majority, i.e., 90%, it is psychological, not physical, dependence. 90% of them feel the need/desire to drink in their free time, typically in the evening after work.
Medical misogyny reigns supreme.
And the HUGE drinking culture in the UK certainly doesn’t help – Sandra also tells me that recent data paints a concerning picture of UK drinking culture, particularly among professional women.
In 2023, a report from The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) found that British women top the list for the world's biggest female binge drinkers.
The OECD compared alcohol consumption across 33 countries and the UK was first in the global charts for binge drinking among women – defined as having at least six drinks in a single session – with 26% doing this at least once a month.
And when you think about it, every social setting revolves around drinking alcohol, and binge drinking is so normalised. It’s almost like it’s attached to different parts of us: our habits, our emotions and feelings, our self-confidence, our social lives. It’s often weirder to people that you don’t drink, which, when you take a step back, is crazy.
My journey started overnight. My birthday is September 29th, and I decided to go into the month fresh – so the 31st of August was my last drink, and it probably will be for good now. I didn't even have a drink on my birthday.
As the weeks have gone on, there have been ups and downs, times of temptation, low confidence and social anxiety. The toughest moments for me were at the start of my sobriety journey, networking for work without the crutch of a glass of champagne in hand and the buzz of the substance giving me a false sense of confidence.
There’s something about walking into a room of strangers sober. It’s daunting. But if you can do it, and enjoy it, what’s on the other side is a more authentic and confident version of yourself.
I used to think I needed a drink or two to boost my confidence before an event. But then I realised, why do I want people to know a warped version of me? Why not just be authentically myself, even if it is painful at first?
There are still days I don’t feel confident. What's the saying? “Fake it 'til you make it.” So I fake it, put my best outfit on, chin up, and a big smile.
Strangely enough, I've found that the decision to quit drinking has made me massively more confident. And for good reason(s):
- I’m truly who I am when I walk into a room, at a dinner or on a date. No mask, no false persona.
- My moods are more stable, therefore anxiety doesn’t rear its ugly head as often, resulting in more confidence in myself and my decisions.
- I have much better clarity – I remember more, and I feel on the ball every day.
- I’ve kept my word to myself and continue to do so daily.
- My skin is glowing!
Being sober at a social event is so eye-opening. Alcohol creates this… almost bubble… so you don’t see, feel or experience what’s actually going on, you don’t live the authentic experience, but instead a skewed version.
Do drunk people get on your nerves when you’re sober? Yes, they often do. And do you want to go home earlier without the stimulant? Yes, but that’s okay. It's a change in lifestyle, and it takes some adjusting, like anything, but in my experience, the benefits are so worth it.
I'm a bit of an alien, in that unlike most people, caffeine doesn't seem to affect my sleep. So, I can have a double espresso at 10pm and still sleep by midnight, which is lucky. So right now, my buzz is late-night caffeine.
I recently visited one of my favourite members' clubs in London, and when I asked the waiter for a double espresso, he looked at me like I had two heads.
When I asked for another, he checked me and asked if I knew what time it was.
This would never happen if I had ordered a double shot of tequila.
Why is our culture so ready to berate people who decide not to drink? Perhaps we need to rethink this, re-establish the norm and allow space for people to make more health-conscious decisions without judgment. Take the stigma away and encourage and reward the opposite – sobriety.
It’s normal not to poison your body every weekend, but society has told us it is.
I’m lucky, blessed and privileged to be healthy. But sometimes, I wonder how my mental health, physical health and appearance would be if I had never drunk alcohol, or quit earlier in my life.
We all have to make our own choices and many people live long happy lives with alcohol, but for me, my body was telling me it’s no good for me.
- Tell friends and family about your journey. The people that really care for you won’t entice you to drink.
- In the daytime, order coffee or tea (hot or iced), so you have a drink in hand.
- By night, try a bunch of different mocktails until you find one you like. Many places do the classics as virgin drinks, and more and more are creating their own signature alcohol-free creations.
- At dinner, if you’re missing a glass of wine, ask for your soft drink in a wine glass with garnish and lots of ice. It fills the need to have a wine glass in your hand, especially if the table are having a bottle to share.
- Drink lots of water. Your body, mind and skin will thank you for it!
My advice is, if you are trying to quit drinking, don't make it a big song and dance of it; just let it fade out of your life by having a little willpower and a lot of confidence in yourself!
If you are addicted to alcohol, don't try to stop without medical supervision. It's recommended to book an appointment with your GP and visit Alcohol Change UK for more information.
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