Introducing Logan Brown: author, father and now, GLAMOUR’s June coverstar.
Logan Brown is a transgender man who unexpectedly became pregnant with his partner Bailey J Mills, a non-binary drag performer in the UK.
GLAMOUR's Pride issue celebrates the allyship that exists between women (cisgender or not) and transgender people through our shared experiences, in particular around pregnancy and healthcare around childbirth, something that is not often talked about with regard to the transgender community.
In May 2023, Logan and Bailey welcomed their daughter, Nova, into the world.
Here, as Logan settles into parenthood, he shares with GLAMOUR an exclusive letter to his daughter…
GLAMOUR’s Pride coverstar talks queer love, dealing with transphobia and his journey to parenthood.
To my daughter, Nova.
Here, I write a letter for you to one day know how much of a miracle you are and how you have changed both your dads’ lives for the better.
When I was younger, I had a hard time trying to find myself and always felt like there was something there, but I never had the tools or knowledge to know exactly what it was. My body didn’t feel like my body, my mind and body were so disconnected from each other, and I tried to continue through life being someone I was not.
“Your dad was once a young girl who finally found himself…”
Your dad was once a young girl who finally found himself and realised he wanted to be who he truly was on the inside and make that match on the outside – a boy who grows up into a man and hopefully will become a great role model.
It took me a long, long time to get to where I am through hospital appointments and surgeries, but it was all worth it for me to live authentically now.
I faced a lot of battles to get to where I am now, and the thought of once not wanting to continue through life – because of how confused I felt about myself – makes me feel so grateful that I powered through and have now got the pleasure of having you. I knew something good would happen one day.
“Because I accepted myself, I knew I could become whoever I wanted to be and that I could love anyone.”
When I finally got to a content part of my life – when I was about 24 – I was much more open to the idea of dating. And because I accepted myself, I knew that I could become whoever I wanted to be and that I could then love anyone, no matter what they looked like, how they identified, or how they expressed themselves.
I just saw people for people and that it didn’t matter how they identified, as long as they were a kind human being.
To be honest, it was hard to meet someone who thought the same thing, and it took me a while to finally find someone who I could relate to. Until one day in July 2021, I met your other dad, Bailey. I came across someone online who is absolutely hilarious, a misfit and stands out from the rest of the world. I was completely in awe. A drag performer who made something so unique for themselves.
They brightened up everyone’s day with their funny videos and seemed like they really had something to prove to the world! Their creativeness and passion is mind-blowing. We went on a few dates; I thought they were an introvert and extrovert in one. I felt that they related to me, because they had so many complex layers and I really wanted to know more about their life. So, I slowly got to know someone who I soon discovered has a lot more to them than what people see. And they, in turn, saw me for who I truly was, and I could just be myself – and they appreciated all the parts of me that I’ve never been comfortable with and just made it normal!
With us both having ADHD and autism, it enabled us to relate to each other on a different level and not feel shamed for our quirks. We face our struggles daily… but together! Nova, we both want you to be around positive communication and understanding, and hope that our love towards each other has an impact on you and allows you to do the same with us and other people around you as you grow.
We both moved in with each other, almost straight away, learning new things together – and I pretty much turned into their No.1 fan, being their cheerleader on the sidelines at gigs and shows. We’ve had some amazing experiences together! And I’d say we’re quite an iconic Queer, proud couple for sure!
As time goes on, the conversations come out, such as marriage or if we want children in the future… I always said that it wasn’t really an option for me to want or to have children, I love working with children but I genuinely didn’t see myself becoming a parent.
I remember things so visibly… I was getting dressed for work and decided to take a pregnancy test because I just had a curious feeling. When those two lines showed up, it honestly felt like everything had frozen, all my ‘manliness’ that I had spent so long trying to achieve was taken away from me in a split second. I told your dad and we were happy, we were scared, we were frightened and eventually it spiralled into… ‘What will people think?’ ‘What about my career?’ ‘How will we be able to raise a child? It’s impossible.’ We were worried about the judgement of other people. On Bailey’s side, it was worries about their career, as some of the things they do and say as part of their drag performance might not be considered appropriate if you have a child – and these things live online forever. On my side, it was worry that I was going to be a pregnant man and I was worried about people’s judgement and reactions.
Nova, I want you to know that all of those thoughts are completely normal for anyone, but to be a pregnant man… was not something that I felt particularly OK with. Days went on and I was in a constant head space of not being sure what to do and making sure that we made the right decision. Until one day, I had a light-bulb moment in my head… I connected with my body, I connected with you being there and thought of who you would become. I was still male – no one could ever take that away from me, because only I know who I truly am – and I could never forgive myself if I didn’t pursue this and have you in my life.
Me and your dad still had our struggles of trying to get our heads around the fact that we were having a baby and that it’s not your everyday thing that you see… it was our secret.
We eventually shared our news to the world and WOW, all the worrying and fear of what people would think, was completely erased! People were made up for us and it gave us the courage to continue and be proud even more.
Months went by and I remember dreaming of what it would feel like to hold you in my arms all the time, setting up your bedroom and making sure that you would have a perfect life. I’d pop into your bedroom nearly every day with my hands on my bump, hoping and praying that everything would be OK.
I got to a point where I felt inspired and I wanted to share my story with others, to normalise it in the best way I could (more so for myself). I created a blog and shared my journey with the world and it helped a lot.
I am also in the process of writing a children’s book about our story to help other young people and parents understand – and with the hopes that if there is any point in life that you find yourself confused, introduced to judgement or if you’re ever in a situation where you will be asked where you came from and how, I hope it will give you the confidence to be proud of your story and know how to explain this to others.
Nova, I want you to know that you will be loved so much by both your dads. We will always protect you and allow you to express yourself in any way you want, and to love whoever you want. You will never have to feel like you cannot reach your dreams, because I already know that you will leave a huge imprint on the world. We will cheer you on always; you will be compassionate, inclusive and know kindness towards yourself and others around you.
You have already taught me so much and I promise you this… I have never loved someone so much in my life. You are truly – and always will be – a miracle.
I love you – Dad.
GLAMOUR’s Pride coverstar talks queer love, dealing with transphobia and his journey to parenthood.
