It’s not often a PR invite comes across my desk that makes me unhunch my terrible posture and sit bolt upright. But when I read: “Make a Heartbreak Track with Simon Cowell’s Producer”, I was sat.
Apparently, I’m not alone either. Viagogo decided to create these songwriting ‘Heartbreak Sessions’ after their research found that 45% of Brits think their past relationships could inspire a song, while 70% believe the best music comes from real heartbreak. Which, considering the state I was in this time last year, feels very real.
I’m well and truly on the cusp of being over my ex, who I broke up with last year. I’ve done the journaling. I’ve beaten the dead horse into dust with my best friend. I’ve given my new therapist the full rundown of events.
Since the start of this year, I’ve also been writing poems again, but weirdly, my ex has remained completely off limits. So the idea of not just writing something about the breakup, but recording an actual song about it, felt strangely kismet.
Before I knew it, I was on the tube to Qube Studios in Canary Wharf. The invite had told me to come prepared with a story I could turn into a track, and, because my actual breakup story felt a bit dry, I whipped out my notes app and started writing a poem on the journey there instead. It was only at this point that I realised how confronting this experience might actually be, singing about my heartbreak in a room full of strangers, and vlogging it while I do…
Still, I managed to scribble down a few rhyming couplets (putting that literature degree to work) before arriving at the studio, where I met PATCH, the producer behind Simon Cowell’s boyband December 10, alongside songwriter Caden and vocalist GLOWE. I told them the story of me and my ex, and pulled out the poem while PATCH played me different beats to choose from.
We landed on a reggae-influenced pop track that felt very Lily Allen West End Girl-coded (on brand), and from there, the team started shaping the lyrics properly. Caden and GLOWE found harmonies, tightened up rhymes and helped turn the notes-app musings into something that actually resembled a song. This was the point where it started to feel weirdly cathartic.
Every time we needed another lyric, I found myself pulling memories and feelings apart to find the right wording for them. Distilling my life into words has always been how I make sense of things. Usually, that means a journal entry, a poem or an article. This just happened to be a much funnier, slightly more auto-tuned form of emotional processing.
It was surreal watching something I’d written twenty minutes earlier suddenly become a real song with harmonies and structure and people nodding seriously about “the hook”. There’s something oddly healing about having a whole room of people treat your heartbreak like raw creative material instead of a personal tragedy. The more we worked on the song, the lighter the whole thing started to feel.
We decided to open the track with a spoken-word intro in a sort of Kate Nash style, which I immediately asked if I could perform myself. They said yes, which was brave of them, because once I stepped into that recording booth, they were always going to have trouble getting me out.
Once the lyrics were all set, GLOWE recorded a vocal first so I could follow the melody, and then I began to sing over it, trying my hardest to match her pitch. Taking my vocals from the shower to the studio was, unsurprisingly, humbling. But after a shaky start, I was soon having the time of my life.
Then came the final playback.
Sitting there listening back to this fully-produced breakup anthem about my own life was equal parts hilarious and bizarrely emotional. But underneath all the jokes, it genuinely did feel cathartic. I hadn't suddenly healed every wound tied to the relationship, obviously. But I’d finally processed the actual breakup enough to turn it into something else. Something fun that I could laugh about.
And the final track? I can’t lie, I ate. The lyrics are fun, the beat feels very me, and the vocals… well. I’ll leave that to the internet to judge (brave).
If stage one of grief is shock, then stage seven is apparently recording a breakup diss track with a room full of strangers cheering you on through the glass.
viagogo’s Heartbreak Sessions will take place on Saturday 20th, Sunday 21st and Saturday 27th June. Booking via URL opens W/C 25th May and will be available on a first-come, first-served basis.
.jpg)
