<p style="background: white;">Our hearts sank when we heard
the news about Wayne Rooney being accused again of cheating on his wife Coleen. And with the media buzzing with
questions about whether she'll stay in the marriage, we started
thinking about the nature of forgiveness in relationships - when is
it OK to accept an apology from your man, and when should you draw
the line and forget the relationship altogether?
<p style="background: white;">The answer is, of course, that
there are rarely black and white answers - but there are ways to
approach the problem. Here are our DOs and DON'Ts of figuring out
whether you can forgive and forget - or whether you'd rather just
forget. Tell us yours in the comments, and let us know what your
own experiences have been with choosing - or refusing - to forgive
a guy who's let you down.
<p style="background: white;">DO talk to him about it. It's
natural that your first reaction to a shocking revelation may well
be too put a very large distance between the two of you, but it's
important that you communicate clearly to him about what happened
and what he's thinking. If he can't be clear about it? Well, that's
a strong clue that he probably does not deserve your
forgiveness.
<p style="background: white;">DON'T feel that you have to
even the score. You'll remember your mum telling you that two
wrongs don't make a right; it still applies, and in many cases
doing the thing that hurt you to get your guy back is likely to
make you feel bad, and unlikely to help you to resolve your
feelings about him.
<p style="background: white;">DO talk it over with people you
can trust. Admitting that you're feeling betrayed - or that your
bloke has done something pretty unacceptable - can be embarrassing.
But trying to work out your complex feelings on your own can also
be really challenging, so get someone who you trust, and who knows
you well, to make you a cup of tea, pull up a chair, and
listen.
<p style="background: white;">DON'T worry about what other
people will think about your decision. Of course, it's a good idea
to take advice from people who care about you (see the above DO),
but status or gossip should not be a concern when it comes to
deciding whether your relationship can continue or not. You
need
<p style="background: white;">DO take as much time as you
need to think it over. If your other half is pressing you to make a
decision or to accept his apology to quickly, make it clear that
you are going to take your time - you want to stay as clear-headed
as possible, and make it clear that only you are in control of your
decision.
<p style="background: white;">DON'T think that you can't
change your mind down the line - that is, if you do decide to
forgive him, only to realise that it's still casting a shadow over
your relationship, or if something goes wrong again. Think
Cheryl and Ashley: she gave him a second chance, but cut him loose
when it became clear that he hadn't reformed. Just because you
decide that you can let something go once doesn't mean that you
always have to!
