Sorry George and Amal, but fighting in a relationship isn't just healthy – it's necessary

“It’s simply not realistic for two people to agree on absolutely everything.”
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George and Amal Clooney never fight. Like, ever. At least, that's what George says.

It all started two years ago, when the couple appeared on CBS Mornings and called their marriage “the easiest thing in our lives by far.” They had never, ever, had a fight. In ten years of marriage. Or so they claimed. “It’s maddening to some of our friends,” Amal said. “I have a cousin actually, every time we see him, he’s like, his first question is, ‘So have you had an argument yet?’” George gave an update on his oh-so-perfect, fight-free marriage when he returned to CBS Mornings yesterday. “We still haven’t,” he said. “We’re trying to find something to fight about.”

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Kind of maddening, isn't it? Him, the debonaire Hollywood silver fox, the Cary Grant of the modern age. Her, the endlessly impressive human rights lawyer and activist. Just when we thought they couldn't be anymore perfect, it turns out, they don't even bicker.

George thinks their lack of conflict is down to the wisdom of his years. "There's a thing about finding the person that you needed to find, particularly at a certain age, and everything from then on is easy," he told The New York Times of his wife, earlier this year, adding that the pair didn't experience “friction” because he knew when to let things slide. “We renovated our house. Amal would go, ‘I want to paint this wall yellow,’” he said, using an example. "Well, if I was 27 years old and doing construction work, I would've been like, 'Well, that's a stupid colour.' But the truth of the matter is that at 60, you just go, 'OK.' There are so many things that would have caused friction that don't."

I can see it now: Amal, summoning up her most lawyerly calm voice, suggests a bright, sunshiney shade of yellow. George closes his eyes in horror, then sighs, twinkles his eyes, flashes a megawatt Hollywood smile and nods.

So, just compromise like a Clooney and you'll never argue again! But is not fighting really something to be quite so proud of in the first place? When the topic was broached in the Glamour offices, the resounding consensus was that all couples argue, and to do so in a constructive way is essential to a healthy relationship.

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Relationship coach Rachel Rose, author of Date Your Worth, Not Your Wound, agrees. “As a relationship coach, when a couple claims they never argue, it raises red flags," she says. “It often signals a lack of boundaries, not a sign of perfect harmony. It’s simply not realistic for two people to agree on absolutely everything. If there’s never a disagreement, chances are one or both parties are biting their tongue too often and it is likely out of a desire to keep the peace or avoid confrontation altogether. If you're not learning to assert yourself, negotiate and compromise, you're not growing as a person or a couple, and you risk letting issues pile up into resentment."

Furthermore, Rachel says, "fighting is actually a sign that your relationship is alive and kicking. It shows you’ve got two independently-minded individuals, not a couple who’ve blurred into one co-dependent entity. A good row, within reason, means you both care enough to be real with one another. It’s crucial to maintain your individuality within a relationship and a bit of disagreement is often just the natural result of two unique perspectives.”

But there's a crucial difference between constructive, relationship-building disagreements, and plain old unhelpful quarrels. “Healthy fighting doesn’t look like shouting over each other or slamming doors,” Rosie asserts. “It's rooted in curiosity, respect, and active listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Ideally, it becomes a tool for growth. You ask, “Where is this coming from?” not to challenge, but to understand. When you approach conflict with the intention of getting closer, not just being right, it can actually feel quite intimate.”

So there you have it. Sorry George and Amal, but you might want to revisit that yellow wall after all.