1. The work kitchen smalltalker
Yep, I had a nice weekend. Yep, it's a bit hot out. Yep, I wish this kettle would boil faster.
2. The public transport phone bore
There's nobody at the other end, is there? So you won't mind if I hurl it out of the window? Followed by you?
3. The creepy starer
They're still staring at me, aren't they? How about now? Knew it. Now? Oh God. Tell my mum I love her.
4. The lunch-maker with too many questions
Brown. Plain. Not toasted. Yes, butter. No mayo. Yes, salad. To take away. STOP, QUIZMASTER GENERAL, YOU'RE STRESSING ME OUT.
5. The cat-caller
"You've just yelled, 'Oi oi, show us your clunge!'. so I must have rampant sex with you immediately," said nobody ever.
6. The MAMIL (middle-aged man in lycra)
Always lurking in wincingly tight shorts.
7. The slow walker
Get a shift on, I've seen faster asthmatic snails.
8. The gym nudist
Nothing wrong with the human body. But no need to strut about naked and moisturise your bum crack in my eyeline.
9. The keypad tones leaver-onner
Beep, beep...slight pause so you think they've stopped...beep, beep, beep. Repeat until you feel murderous.
10. The blanking bartender
Hello. HELLO? I need emergency wine. I appear to have become invisible!
This G List was originally published in the May 2016 issue of GLAMOUR
